i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
