thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
