sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
