Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
