Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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