JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
