singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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