Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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