my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
