haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
