Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
