So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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