I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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