Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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