I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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