well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
