A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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