I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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