There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
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Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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