so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
