every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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