So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
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