Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this just has baby written all over it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Be still, my beating vagina.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
