Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
