Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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