Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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