D3 body, D1 cock
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
