we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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