Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
