His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
