Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
