i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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