the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
