Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
