I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
