I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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