Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
