Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
