I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
