my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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