Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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