A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
