I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
