Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
