Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
