And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
