im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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