He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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