Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize