3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
