I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
