i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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