That's intense
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
