he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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