I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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