I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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