Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize