3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
