You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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