if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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