we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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