the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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