I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
